“BOUNDARIES are not about controlling someone else. You can only control YOU.” –Bralade Koroye Emenanjo
Boundaries refer to limits that a person or organization create in order to define what is acceptable and comfortable for them while relating with themselves and others. Boundaries are usually influenced by culture, people, media amongst other things. Regardless of the influence, healthy boundaries are meant to protect your health, your values and your peace of mind without being destructive to others. Healthy boundaries are not walls that cause people to be afraid of you, instead they should help people know how to relate with you respectfully. Here are some ways to set and maintain healthy boundaries;
1. Define them: Have a sit-down session with yourself where you write down values that are important to you. You can take a personal value(s) test here Personal Values | Test. Also write how you want to feel in your relationship with others versus the opposite: For example – empowered not ridiculed, heard not talked over, respect not disrespected/humiliated. Now you have something to communicate with others.
2. Communicate clearly: This can be verbal or non-verbal communication. If someone makes a motion to hug you and you only do handshakes, extend your hand whilst shaking your head to indicate NO. Verbally, you can state it as I prefer a handshake to hugs.
3. Respect the boundaries of others: Respect your boundaries by also respecting other people’s boundaries. You know the golden rule; do to others what you want others to do to you.
4. Remember you are dealing with humans: This quote by Bralade Koroye-Emenanjo is so apt “Boundaries are not about controlling someone else. You can only control you” This means that even when you have defined boundaries, some people will still want to cross them. At this point, when you have repeatedly cautioned them, it is time to walk away.
5. Boundaries can change: Finally, boundaries can change depending on your level of comfort and growth but again remember that the goal is to protect your peace of mind. Don’t let them change if it causes you harm and to become a shadow of yourself rather than any good.
Cheers to creating healthy boundaries! Rooting for you as always