Hi dear, welcome back again and Happy Valentine’s day! Heads up; This post may be more relatable if you are female and Nigerian and please try not to shake your head too much at me lol
1.Marriage is the goal; Why do you think you were trained through school? taught manners? and shipped to most/all Sunday school classes?…. let me tell you – it is so you can raise a good family. You didn’t know? 😱😱, welcome to class. Okay just kidding but my goodness the many references to marriage you hear almost seems like marriage is your life’s purpose. Here is what I have learned as a Christian, Jesus is the goal. Jesus is solely your life’s purpose not marriage, and a good marriage (if you so desire) is a byproduct of keeping your focus on Jesus just like other good things added to you. I feel this thinking has led some women downhill and they don’t dream again or aspire for more outside of their marriage because for societal standard, they have finished work.
2. Being married means you are perfect; So my thought process went like this –”you are married? then you are the definition of perfect” (this must have clearly stemmed from my previous point), until I met some people and thought to myself “mehn If I was married to this person, I am not sure how we would survive.”
I came to the realization later on that it’s not about perfection; it’s about embracing your spouse’s weaknesses and being able to live in peace with those weaknesses. There is also the saying that “one man’s meat is another man’s poison”
My take home; there is no perfect person, just people who are not excessively bothered by the other person’s weakness(es).
3. The “benefits” of marriage will be an all day, every day affair: I am a big proponent and believer in the marriage bed undefiled. I know God created sex and I believe that it is ideal in the context of marriage so I was usually like now you people are married and have license, so you might as well Fire on! (lol 🙈 but before you shake head, you too you know you are on this table oo 😂😂). Anyway, interactions with married people have taught me that it’s not like that, and at the end of the day being able to enjoy each other’s company even without sexual intimacy is very key!
4. Because you are married you will love to do the same things 100% 👫: I don’t know if you hear all these “maybe you must have a lot in common” for the marriage to go well so I thought you must like a lot of the same things. I have figured you must be compatible with your differences. You actually do not need to like the same shows or same style of music. You can like different things for the most part however, you need to be agreeable on each other’s core nonnegotiable values. In conclusion, it is okay to not sleep at the same time, like the same food, etc. You can maintain your uniqueness as long as it is not causing fight.
5. There is really not a lot of surprises with each other post-marriage: I did not think there would be a lot to discover or learn about each other again in marriage because you must have known each other well enough before deciding to get married. Whenever I hear someone say – “one of my goals is to get closer to my husband”, I am thinking how close can you both get?
Now I understand that you both are still evolving individuals and don’t know for sure how the next 20 years of your life will be. The things you like now may no longer be what you like in 10 years. You might decide to go a different career path, embrace new values etc. So things change, therefore both spouses have to give room for each other to grow, be open to discovering more about each other and be intentional about maintaining intimacy in your marriage.
I would love to read from you too if you have had any mindset changes about marriage.